Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Pull Out the Arrow!

I have been thinking of that struggle to pull back a arrow and keeping it steady on target, till time of release.  Anything I have done that was worth something in this world was hard.  Grades, college years, some jobs, my closest relationships, renovating my home and landscape, and all that led up to and is motherhood.  All I had to work for in order to succeed. 

But writing?  Not as you would think.  Once I get going I treat it like breathing and do it regularly and fluidly.  It's the 'getting going' part that's the struggle.  Hell, I still need to get the damned arrow out of the quiver...

Gripe at ya later.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

My Mantra.

I deserve this.  I deserve this.  I deserve this.  I... 
This became my Mantra after finding the quote below. 

Not until becoming a mother and understanding my own a little better, did I realize I needed to not only hear this, but make this truism my own at this stage of my life.  So often, women are taught to expect less than what they desire.   And even more so, or at least in my case, when you were raised poor.

Indirectly, I was weaned, believing my wish for bigger, sparkly things for myself was a selfish pursuit.  That I was the odd one, the snob.  I clearly remember my grandmother, asking with all seriousness and some frustration, why I wanted to go to college.  Why not just get married and have my children.  Its what was done.  But its not what I wanted to do.  It wasn't right for me.  My mantra must have been in my head back then, just buried under learned bullshit of a back road bumpkin. 

Over the years, through college, meeting my wonderful best friend and husband, a degree, good jobs and bad, I did find bigger things for myself than what I could have settled for.  And I was (and still) very happy for my life as is.   But I was still settling in some regards...  And then I became a mom.

James is by all measure, the most amazing work I shall ever do.  And I will never expect less for him or let him expect less for himself.  But to teach him this, I must teach by example.

I deserve this.  I deserve this.  I deserve this.

I want to write.  I want to create.  I want to do these things to some satisfactory measure, while creating a happy and beautiful home for my family.  And any future job I choose I wish it to follow these goals without compromise. 

I know I have ability.  Now I just need to keep telling myself I deserve what I can gain from those abilities.  The rest is about hard work.  My dreams deserve that.

What's your mantra, fellow IWSG members?  And remember to grab a cookie on the way out of group.


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