Pull Out the Arrow!

I have been thinking of that struggle to pull back a arrow and keeping it steady on target, till time of release.  Anything I have done that was worth something in this world was hard.  Grades, college years, some jobs, my closest relationships, renovating my home and landscape, and all that led up to and is motherhood.  All I had to work for in order to succeed. 

But writing?  Not as you would think.  Once I get going I treat it like breathing and do it regularly and fluidly.  It's the 'getting going' part that's the struggle.  Hell, I still need to get the damned arrow out of the quiver...

Gripe at ya later.

My Mantra.

 

 

I deserve this.  I deserve this.  I deserve this.  I... 

 

This became my Mantra after finding the quote below. 

 

Not until becoming a mother and understanding my own a little better, did I realize I needed to not only hear this, but make this truism my own at this stage of my life.  So often, women are taught to expect less than what they desire.   And even more so, or at least in my case, when you were raised poor.

Indirectly, I was weaned, believing my wish for bigger, sparkly things for myself was a selfish pursuit.  That I was the odd one, the snob.  I clearly remember my grandmother, asking with all seriousness and some frustration, why I wanted to go to college.  Why not just get married and have my children.  Its what was done.  But its not what I wanted to do.  It wasn't right for me.  My mantra must have been in my head back then, just buried under learned bullshit of a back road bumpkin. 

Over the years, through college, meeting my wonderful best friend and husband, a degree, good jobs and bad, I did find bigger things for myself than what I could have settled for.  And I was (and still) very happy for my life as is.   But I was still settling in some regards...  And then I became a mom.

James is by all measure, the most amazing work I shall ever do.  And I will never expect less for him or let him expect less for himself.  But to teach him this, I must teach by example.

I deserve this.  I deserve this.  I deserve this.

 



I want to write.  I want to create.  I want to do these things to some satisfactory measure, while creating a happy and beautiful home for my family.  And any future job I choose I wish it to follow these goals without compromise. 

I know I have ability.  Now I just need to keep telling myself I deserve what I can gain from those abilities.  The rest is about hard work.  My dreams deserve that.

What's your mantra, fellow IWSG members?  And remember to grab a cookie on the way out of group.
 

Z is for Zilpha Keatley Snyder

Z is for Zilpha Keatley Snyder.

 

   Somewhere after Beverly Cleary and Judy Blume, but before Richard Peck (Blossum Culp Series) and S.E.Hinton, I found a favorite in Zilpha Keatley Snyder.  Maybe some of you will remember the covers below...

 

 

 

 

 

Although, I found a great deal of entertainment in Cleary as a child and a pre-teen connection to many of the relevant coming of age tales of Blume, Snyder was the one to set my imagination on the trail it follows even to this day.  Yes, it was great to read about the trials and tribulations of kids my age, but what really got me, was the world set outside of age and the day to day.  Zilpha gave me that.

 

Mrs. Snyder's works were some of the first stories I tried to emulate as a middle-schooler.  I guess you could call them my first fan fictions.  *smile*  I wanted my stories to send those chills up my spine.  I wanted to be the creator of the big mystery that kept all guessing.  I was (and still am) enthralled by the possibility of the extraordinary, just being one step over a neglected back ally wall or through a thorny suburban hedge.  I believe there is more to our world than what we see in our daily passing.  Finding Mrs. Snyders and later Mr. Pecks works was like finding something familiar.  Far more familiar to me than the sweet tales of Cleary or the coming of age tales of Blume.  

 

Now don't get me started on movies and directors who I identified with back then.  Spielberg anyone?

 

It's been a blast A to Zers.  I hope to see some of you again at next Wednesdays post for The Insecure Writers Support Group but if not, it's been real.

 

 

 

 



X is for X Men

X is for X-Men.

 

    I was a teen, and one of the rare girls to be found in a comic book store, back home.  So I remember taking a sort of pride in stepping through that old and dingy, poster covered front door to collect up that next addition of the X-Men.   

 

Although I no longer collect, I am still a diehard fan of stories involving superhero's, heroic underdogs, morality tales and impossible odds.   To me, the X-Men were just the same as anyone else who felt singled out, ridiculed and beaten down because of their differnces.  Differences they could not help, because it was who they were born to be.  And I think its the same insight shared by many of this brands following and a undeniable connection most beginning fans make to these characters.    

 

To this day, I keep the X-Men in my inspirational toolbox.  Those stories sit beside my love of the supernatural and abnormal, big adventure and perilous danger.  The comics also taught me the importance of getting as much emotion into a very small scene, to make the reader hungry for more.  Good comics use an economy of well placed dialogue and just the right pose of a image to get the emotion of a scene.  I try the same with my writing.  Show and not tell.

 

And then there's what I take away from my mutant muses.  My respect for flawed people doing the right thing, when the world keeps giving them excuses not to.  My affection for human kindness and the way in which we all connect to one another, one unique character to another.  All aspects of the human condition can be found in the pages of these stories about more human than human superhero's.  These X-Men.

 

See ya in the funnies, A to Zers!

 

 

 

X-Men in the beginning.



And as I remember them in the 90's.

 

V is for Variety

V is for Variety.

    And if some of the colors weren't for you?  Well, at least ya gave them a try and can at least appreciate that shade.  This goes for art, food, literature, faith, fashion, politic, social set...the list goes on. 

The point is, to do justice to society, you need variety.  Melting pot or mosaic, man needs to empty out the box and color away.

T is for Touched

T is for Touched

One of my very first WIPs, Touched.  The MC came to me many, many years ago and the story is never far from my imagining's.  I hope maybe someday it will no longer be a WIP.

 

~*~*~*~

 “So what am I thinking now?” The bulky blond challenged, crossing his arms over his uniformed chest in a mildly childish stance.

Honestly, Logan had expected Mike to ask him to levitate a table or prick a finger and heal it. He’d already been witness to Logan’s strength and endurance. But the mind reading?

Quirking a dark brow at his pragmatic friend, Logan pushed off the window sill and stood before the young deputy, holding his friends unremitting stare. “Looking for proof, Sheriff?” Mike nodded. Logan simply shook his head, this moment bordering on a childhood dare. “Okay.”

Taking another step closer to Mike, Logan felt his friend flinch, but hold his spot at the center of the old hardwood floor. “You’re sure?”

“Do it.” Mike swallowed hard.

Logan smirked then shook his head once more. He’d never been in the position where the person he was reading asked for it.

Taking in a deep breath, Logan raised his hand between them, palm out to Mike’s chest. He could feel the hum of life within his friend’s body—strong and steady like the lapping of warm ocean waves. Slowly his hand hovered to the side of Mike’s curly headed skull and began to see the shades of images sharpen and sounds become words. It was no surprise to Logan that his friend’s thoughts came to him as straightforward as the man who had them—with little hesitancy and no doubt.

“So-so what do ya see?” Mike blurted out.

Logan grinned, his eyes still closed. “I see a pretty brave guy for letting his ‘alien’ friend have his way with his brain.” Logan felt Mike’s entire body go ridged and smiled in spite of himself. “Kidding, buddy. Kidding.”

Logan lowered his hand and opened his eyes. He saw a lot inside the stalwart man before him; more than what he was comfortable revealing to the other man if he wanted to keep him as a friend. Things like how Mike had secretly envied Logan when they were children or the extent of Mike’s present fears—that he would not be able to keep the people of this island safe during the coming storm. No, what needed to be said now had nothing to do with the things he saw within his friends mind, but the reason why his friend had let him see them at all.

“You trust me.” His eyes steady on his friend. “You think I’m a little fucked up and you’re uncomfortable when Anne and I are alone” Logan knowingly smirked when his friend’s eyes fell to his boots “but you trust me.”

Mike raised his head again and silently nodded.

“And that same trust does not extend to my family.” Logan continued.

“I’m sorry, Logan…”

“Don’t be. You are right not to.” Logan turned from his friend and walked back to his view of the mounting snow fall. Hell, he didn’t trust his own family. He was intimately aware of what his family was capable of and viewed mistrust as a survival skill when dealing with anything of his kin.

“And Anne?” Logan felt Mike’s brotherly concern before he spoke it. A pregnant silence fell between the men.

“I’d never hurt her, Mike. Believe that.” Logan just wished he could believe it too.

R is for Repetition

R is for Repetition.

    Heard this before?  Well, I will repeat.  Long-term repetition of a desired behavior will create a good habit, but only if you repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat rep....

I think you got the idea.  I was hoping and now believing this A to Z challenge to be just such a habit forming boost to my writing process.  I am glad I did this and happy to have met some of you.

See ya tomorrow, A to Zers!

Q is for Quotes.

Q is for Quotes.

    Quotes.  I've got a million of them, as I am sure you do too.  I keep them around for inspiration, vindication and food for thought.  Quotes can be a window into another's way of thinking or a echo of your own.  A quote can be a summary of a grand thought or a creative way to express a simple one. 

For all the reasons above and more, I collect quotes like butterflies and pin them into my little world for safe keeping.  Over 30 years worth of them at this point.  Here are just a few...

 

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.' Benjamin Franklin, 'Pennsylvania Assembly: Reply to the Governor,' November 11, 1755."

 

 

"For every evil under the sun, there is a remedy, or there is none. If there be one, seek till you find it; If there be none, never mind it.
~~~M. Goose

 

 

"Fiction writers, present company included, don't understand very much about what they do-"not why it works when it's good, not why it doesn't when it's bad."

~Stephen King.On Writing.

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."

~~~Tom Clancy

 

 

“I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what’s said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”

~Abraham Lincoln

"The forces which move the cosmos are -no different from those which move the human soul."  ~ Lama Anagarika Govinda

 

P is for Patience

P is for Patience.

 

Want to be a writer?  Better have a ton of it...

O is for Observation

O is for Observation.

 

 

Could not agree more, sister!

N is for Nighthawks

N is for Nighthawks.

Nighthawks, 1942.  Edward Hopper.
 

    I remember seeing this painting while in middle school.  Where I do not remember.  And I felt drawn to the quiet nighttime setting.  It looked peaceful to me and I liked the mood set by the colors the artist chose.  I had felt kindred towards the other nighthawks, subject in the scene, because I was a nighthawk even then. 

Later on as an adult, I would take on a job that saw many midnights and those nights I had off, was spent on the town with my friends at various establishments.  As an adult, I truly understood Nighthawks.  The intimacy of a dark, near empty bar at closing time with a few select friends, talking of things you would tell no other at any other time of day.  Or the alien like serenity of florescent lights in a late-night restaurant, alone with your thoughts just before heading into a late shift.

Although my husband and I bar hopping days are at a close and my midnight job is now tending to a fussy toddler, my preference of night lingers to this day.  Its when I am me.  Its when I like to create or at least when I like to end a work for the day--when that day has already crept into the next.  The nighthawk hours.

Later A to Zers.

M is for Motherhood and Make-believe

is for Motherhood and Make-believe.


I don't think you have to be brilliant or even subpar at the world of make-believe, to be the best mom.  The ability and application of love, patience and responsible behavior help with that.  But it sure is fun when you have a little one and being creative is your wheelhouse. 

So with each day he grows, so will our creative adventure...



James.  Age 2 1/2.  I think I'll frame it.  ;-)
 

 

First complete art project.  Almost 3.

 

The artist in his art space.

 

Future art space...

 



What I believe.

 



A very good beginning of his journey.

 

A lesson I live by.  Be yourself.  Be creative.  Be unique.



And be brave my little lion.

 

Oh, and have fun!

 


 

L is for a Love Poem

L is for a Love Poem.

 

 

 

"When the universe was young, and the stars were barely new, when the oceans began to crash upon the shores of worlds unknown, and the suns began to rise on the new ground they watched over, a story began. When the world was light and hope and joy and love and creation, remembering,remembering, remembering.

 

                                                    This was their time."

 

                                                                           by C.M. Williams

 

    My muse for love stories is fed by many things, but hope is what drives them home to me. So when I wax poetic about love, its as much about hope.  Hope that is stronger than the ocean waves and just a tireless. Hope that can be trampled, distorted and buried but still can be seen glimmering silently--waiting for the chance to grow again and conquer.

When we fall in love, hope is what we carry, like a torch (maybe a pocket lighter at first...depends) But we carry hope that this new thing we have found that fills us, distracts us and rearranges our lives will not leave us and drop us back to where we had already been. Love changes us, and I have met few who do not hope for that to some degree.

I don't care if you are a cynic or a saint, we all want to be something more and for some of us that is being someone better. I believe love does that or at least I hope...

 

K is for Kitty Cats

K is for Kitty Cats.

 

    I have three furry kitty kids, here at the Murray homestead, with whom I share a close bond.  I love their various personalities, their beauty and grace.  I love the comedy that comes from their curiosity and folly.  And I even love the fact they have been proven the most skilled of hunters in the animal kingdom.  Frankly, I would have had more if not for my husband and child.  So yes, I am a potential crazy cat lady, for sure.  ;-)

Call it the Hemingway syndrome.  How about you, A to Zers?

J is for James

J is for James.

  He is often one of the reasons I don't get to my writing these days, besides poor planning on my part.   But he is also one of the biggest reasons I need to continue what I start.  Children learn by example and that's what I need to be for him...and for myself.

Who are you an example too, A to Zers?

I is for Invitation and Invictus.

I is for Invitation and Invictus.

 

"Invitation" by Shel Silverstein and "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley.  Both poems I came upon in my preteen years.  Both poems continue to be dear to me. 

 

"Invitation" has always touched the dreamer and artist in me and to this day makes me smile.  "Invictus" helped me through a tough time when I was very young and is the voice of the realist I have always been.  And yes, a dreamer and a realist can live in the same creature.  That creature would be a writer. 

 

Later, A to Z pals.

 

 

 

 

Shel Silverstein



F is for Fan fiction.

F is for Fan fiction.

   I am a recovering fanfiction writer.  There, I said it.  Some see it as a waste of time, but I saw it as practice and if I'm to be honest, a ego boost or at least as time went on.  I no longer dabble in this world, but I am happy I did.  To work, entertain and be entertained and critiqued by others of like interest was a blast.  But I must say, creating my own characters and worlds is far, far more  fulfilling.

below is a short Stargate SG-1 fan fiction, from many, many moons ago.

Vala’s Question

“You don’t expect to survive your job, do you?”

Vala had meant the question as just another joke at Daniels expense. It would be just another off hand comment from Vala aimed to elicit some reaction, any reaction from Daniel. And she got one.

She laughed away his trademark scowl and then laughed even harder when a very drunk Mitchell reminded everyone who would listen that Daniel had in fact not survived three times before and had become a pro at the procedure of dying.

Everyone but Sam and Tealc laughed at this bit of SGC trivia. Daniel only gave them a tight grin that never met his averted gaze. By the time her and the others laughter had died down, the subject was changed and Vala’s question was pushed aside like a stale party joke. But something in Vala did not let her forget the question.

Vala’s gaze fell back on the Doctor. He stood a small distance from his guests now. She watched him unconsciously brush his hand across the fabric of one of his chairs and then quietly finish the rest of his drink in one swallow. Before she could look away his tired somber gaze met hers and her earlier question was not so much a joke, but a brief moment of truth. She saw a piece of Dr. Daniel Jackson she didn’t think existed and in that same moment she wished she didn’t have an answer to her question.

Type at ya later fellow A to Zers!

E is for Evening.



E is for Evening.


 

Reflections by Marcel Rieder





    Evening is my favorite time of day.  There is this energy just before the night glides in.  Much like the crackle in the air during autumn, just before the dark of winter falls.  

Evening speaks of comfort and magic.  Evenings remind me of back porch conversations after supper, when I was a child.  I can still hear the sporadic hum of traffic out on 170 and the rustle of cornstalks close by.  Evenings remind me of the quiet lap of waves under a gorgeous sunset, just off of Ali"i drive.  I can still smell the warm salt air and feel the sand and lava rock under my feet.  And on clear evenings, I remember the feel of a crisp breeze across my cheek, while waiting for the heavens to darken, watching fireflies on a grassy astronomy field with my husband, in the middle of nowhere.

Evenings failing light is warm-golden, as are my memories.

Evening is also when I feel most creative.  From the days failing light till past the witching hour of midnight, I love to write and create.  I have been this way since I was a child.  I am happy, not to have grown out of this love.

Good Evening A to Zers.

D is for Dreams.

D is for Dreams.

photo by me.

   And I'm not talking about my goals here.  I'm talking about that moving picture show that warms up and plays in my noggin once the rest of me passed out from a long day.  Dreams.

I very often remember my dreams.  My earliest when I was less than 2 years old.  I smell things and feel things in my dreams, these amalgams of my day to day, past and future.  Although some dreams are just images, emotions or small scenes of much debate, some of my dreams have felt epic in scale and detail, and have repeated over the years.  And when I wake, its as if days or months have passed.

As of yet, I have not used any of my dreams for fiction, but I have had my fiction visit me.  Usually when I am neglecting that particular story, or when Ive had a long run of good writing. 

One night, in my 20s, I remember waking up to the feel of a hand on my foot, and found my MC Logan (shelved WIP Touched) at the end of my bed, is eyes glowing a serene azure.  I thought I was awake and then I did wake and he was gone.

Has this happened to any of you, or should I be going back to my old profession as a client...

Type at ya tomorrow A to Zers.

Feeding My Muse the Best Lie.

    I really am trying to hold onto this belief.  Through dirty diapers and potty training.  House cleaning and remodeling.  Through mounds of dirty laundry and long lists of social engagements for me and my little man.  Through days where I feel like I'm only accomplishing just keeping up so I can fall behind again... 

There is this spark of belief I still hold dear.  That the stories I keep in my head will be more than just passing thoughts.  And that the characters who have helped me build them will some day be given a chance to really live, like all characters deserve to live, in the minds and hearts of someone else other than their creator. 

I know my little family is the most important thing to me in this life, but I will continue to tell my muses otherwise.