Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The "I Can't Say It" Blog Fest AND Wednesday WIP!

Shelley at Stories in the Ordinary is hosting the "I Can't Say That!" Blog Fest today. Follow the link and stop on by. Check out the other wonderful and varied offerings from other writers in the blogisphere.

Since said Blog Fest fell on a Wednesday (Wednesday WIP), I wrote mine as yet another scrap to arrange into my WIP (and edit later when I have more of that chapter). I even had a place for said scrap before I wrote it, just hadnt gotten to it yet. The below bit will be in my WIP 'Ghost Mountain and will be used as a flashback later in the story. A scene that helps the reader better understand why my MC Wyatt made some of the choices he did.

Enough chat. Here we go...

"Ya tell people what they’ve meant to you, boy…"

Wyatt shook away his Uncles words and stood a little straighter in the doorway of his father’s hospital room. ‘I can do this.’

“So ya just gonna slouch there moping? You were always such a god damned mope.”

“How would you know Eli, you haven’t seen me in six years…”

“That was your choice, boy. You and that milquetoast brother of mine. I say you deserve one another.”

It WAS Wyatt’s choice and it was his uncle who gave it to him—his Uncle, Ms. Sissy and Mary. A chance at a new life away from this man.

“So you think showing up at your daddies deathbed is gonna make it all better then!” A harsh bark became a fit of ragged coughs. Emaciated, life worn, cancer riddled and as mean streaked as he always was or would be, Eli Paxton bent forward in his hospital bed clutching his snot rag to his mouth and then spat another clot of blood into the emptied bed pan in his lap.

Wyatt made no move to help the man, nor did he leave. He was here to tell Eli—this never-was-a-father-by-a-long-shot man exactly what he meant to him. How after all Eli had done, it would not stop Wyatt from becoming a better man than the man who bore him. Wyatt was going to tell him so he could let him go…

“And you brought that Givens girl with ya.” Eli nodded past Wyatt to the young girl down the hospital hall. “I heard about you two. My do-nothing mope of a son fornicating with that uppity little Givens girl.”

“Leave her alone…”

Eli snorted at Wyatt’s disdain. “Oh I am certain her pa is none too pleased. Already knows what kind of mate Paxton’s make. You’ll mess her up good, boy. And you’ll run just like your mamma.”

Silence fell between the men where Wyatt had wanted his words to begin and underlying fears found their way into Wyatt’s heart. He wanted to tell his old man he’d never run. He wanted to shout that it was Eli who chased his mother away. And he wanted to swear he would never hurt Mary—never Mary. But the words didn’t come. There would be no strength in them and his Uncle always told him saying nothing was better than saying something you didn’t feel.

Not long after, Wyatt stepped out into the hall knowing if he’d said how he felt to the old man the words could have built in strength. Maybe he would have believed them in time if he’d just said them aloud. And not long after Mary wrapped her arms around his ridged form in support, did Wyatt realize he would let his father’s dying words come true.


  1. very sad. Very, very realistic too, that's all I can tell you.

    Heartbreaking...wanted to comfort Wyatt myself!


  2. I love that you used the word "milquetoast." That word is used far too infrequently.

    Poor Wyatt. I wish he could have told his nasty father to stuff it. This is so sad - no one should ever have to feel that way about their parent.

  3. Thank you ladies for visiting my blog and taking a read!

    Bru: I am glad you feel that way. It's my mission to show not tell emotions. It it doesn't feel real then its back to the drawing board. And Wyatt is a hard man to comfort but you can try.

    Maybe Genius: I am a word collector. The right one says something about the character using it. And Wyatt's relationship with his dad has had a lot of bearing on his life. Being so, the emotions had to be big (nasty) ones.

    And again, I am happy that you feel for Wyatt. It means he is beginning to breath.

  4. Wow, such a sad moment. That was difficult to read, which means you did a fabulous job of conveying the pain in that scene!

  5. Well done. It's a tense scene and you do a great job with showing the emotions. I wasn't sure at the end what he meant by he'd "live up to" his father's words. Is that a foreshadowing to the problems seen in the book? Hard to tell with this but I'm asking questions so obviously you have my attention. ;-)

  6. Aww that was a sad scene. Father/son moments like that always tug at my heartstrings. Nicely written as well.

  7. Oh, this is so sad. Lots going on here, and many things going unsaid -- which is the point. But well-written! I like it, as sad as it is. :)

    Thanks so much for participating in the blog fest, Nicole!

  8. Lydia: I feel a little warped to feel so pround of making others feel sad!?! But I am happy that the scene was hard to read. I want to pervey those hard to witness moments in my character lives in easy to believe but hard to read scenes. Thanks for reading.

    Dawn: I am so happy to get questions. It does signal interest.;-) And you guessed right. This is a flash back my MC has later in the story and about 15 years after the moment. It's foreshadowing and confirming of why Wyatt did some of things he did and what he has to do to get right with himself in the now. Thank you.

    WritersBlockNZ: Messed up father and son relationships have always garnered my attention as does non conventional friendships and families. I am glad it grabbed your heartstring.

    Shelley: Thank you for giving all of us the chance to participate in this Blog Fest of yours. It actually prompted me to get this scene out of my head (wrote it yesterday...SHHHHHH!) And I love scenes with a undercurrent of everything going on. I am happy it got your attention as sad as it may be. Thanks again.

  9. Wow, very realistic. I can relate to this in a 'not the same but similar' kind of way. I wrote my mom a poem the day of her funeral (on the poetry blog). Our past was complicated, but there was just enough sunshine to hold on in the dark that, somehow, in the end, it was okay...impressive post. And thanks again for the award.

  10. What a moving scene. You totally made me believe Wyatt was real ... and hurting and being so alone in that pain.

    On the other end of the spectrum :
    I mentioned the up-and-coming jazz singer, Amanda Carr, in my post :

    ... and this morning in the mail, I received an autographed copy of her latest CD, SOON, as thanks for mentioning her.

    Wasn't that incredibly gracious and nice of her?

  11. Words Crafter: Someone relating to what I have written is one of the best compliments but thank you for the other kind too. ;-) And I wrote my fathers eulogy so I kinda understand you a bit. Writing is the cheapest therapy (aside from BS on a back porch) I have found. I am also glad you have enjoyed and used your award to spread the cheer.

    Roland: Ya hit Wyatt on the head. Alone in his pain is kinda his slow working self destructive thing. Protects everyone else, deals with the shit piled on others and yet fights to stay alone. I am glad you see him.

    And the CD... Very cool news. I remember that post. I think the cat does run the place. As for Ms. Carr, what artists doesn't feel that pleasant rush, seeing their name or a bit of their creation in another artists creation. And what a gracious gesture. You have another fan! ;-D

  12. I stumbled across your blog from... Ummm... Rainy Day, I believe. I'm kinda on blog overload right now. At any rate! I'm very glad I did! I loved your blogfest entry here!

    Very emotional and heartbreaking. Is this a WIP you're working on? I so want to know more of what happens between Wyatt and Mary!

  13. Suzie, welcome aboard! And thank you so much,I am glad you enjoyed. This snippet is from my WIP Ghost Mountain. Recently I have decided to make it a Paranormal Romance. If you are interested in my folks go to my tags under Ghost Mountain, you will find the rough draft of my prologue and the first section of my fist chapter. Every Wednesday I post a piece of my story or something regarding it or any of my other creative WIP's.

    Thanks again for commenting and following!

  14. what a heartbreaking moment! i can't wait to read your next wip entry... thanks to rainy day wanderer who brought me to you. have a great wednesday!

  15. Carla: Every Wednesday I will have something out regarding my WIP. Thank you for the interest and the follow! And what a creative blog you have. Another artist/writer I see.

  16. ...capturing a scene emotionally charged with those of a heavy heart, and holding that feeling throughout the passage takes a committed effort, which you've achieved. Well done:)

  17. Elliot: Thank you so much for the kind words. But the funny thing is, writing these scenes take the least of my effort. Its the mundane moments that take more effort on my part. That and grammer issues.

    When I write emotional (good and bad) scenes for my characters its because they are having them right then and I am just channeling the feeling. I know this writing comes from me but it comes from 'them', these fictional amalgams of people I have met or will meet. I wouldn't right a scene otherwise, unless I felt what they are feeling--that they spoke to me. If the emotion or scene makes no sense then it never gets seen or written. So as long as it makes sense, it is little effort to me.

    Does that make enough sense that I do not sound like a absolute crazy person? For someone who likes to write with feeling and I am horrible at writing my own...



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