Wednesday, June 23, 2010

WIP Wednesday: A Rough Start But Certain

Well, Ghost Mountain will be a Paranormal Romance. I him and hawed around the romance part for a bit, but now I understand what my story and my characters need and this story--surrounded by paranormal and extraterrestrial action and mystery is at its base a romance. I always did like stories with heart. And what a nice blend for this tom girl in heels.

Below is the first scene in chapter 1. How long I keep it as such we will see. It's rough. I will probably add more after I get further into the story. IDK. But I definitly smell romance coming.

Chapter 1
Just Howling at the Moon

It was that feeling again, like having your hand palm down on a railroad track, knowing the train was on its way. Only it was his entire being that felt the low rumble while he watched the caravan of government SUV’s trail through Mercy Corners and towards Mt. Hesper.

Sheriff Wyatt Paxton had come to trust that rumble within during his thirty-four years of living. As a child that feeling kept him from his father’s hand some nights and in the Marines it kept others out of harm’s way most days.

“Do they really think our Mountain’s ‘alive’ Sheriff?” Deputy William McClane stood at fidgeting attention beside his silent and seemingly relaxed boss. The men were polar opposites by nature and stature. Where the tow headed Viking of a deputy could be standing still and still be vibrating a foot off the floor with anxious energy, the lean raven haired Sheriff was a study of stillness and supposed calm.

“Active” the Sheriff corrected his Deputy, eyes still trained on the shiny black caravan heading down Main Street, like most of Mercy Corners who’s turned up for this evenings meeting at Town Hall. “And they haven’t decided yet Billy. It’s why they are here. To poke at the mountain and see if it hiccups.”

Mercy Corners, population (#?), was lucky to get a (quarter/eighth) of its townsfolk to show for a monthly meeting. But tonight they would be lucky to get those who did turn up packed safely behind the old town halls double doors. It wasn’t every day the sleepy little mountain town was of any interest to anyone beyond its citizens or the visiting campers from nearby Cherry Creek. And all were a little curios to know why the United States Government had taken a interest in the silent giant that loomed above their town.

“They’re here alright.” Deputy McClane rolled up his lip and spat. “Already set up a camp just below the south face of the mountain at the back of Ginny Hale’s property…”

“Yeah, Ms. Ginny told me that right after I got her to lower her double barrel from Old Man Mirty’s head this morning.” Paxton gave a side smirk to his not to pleased deputy and began to look around the rest of town square at the incoming crowd.

“Ya should have called for backup…” the frowning deputy mumbled. It was just like the Sheriff to take care of things on his own. Deputy McClane believed it was something his boss picked up as a sniper in the corp, those who knew the man understood it to be heredity.

“Assistance with an old lady I have known all my life, who was just reminding her neighbor to keep his cows out of her cabbages? I think I can handle that.” Maybe Wyatt wasn’t the most bending of men or the most delicate of public officials, being so young a Sheriff you had to keep a tight ship, but he had a soft spot for the ‘eccentrics’ that were more than plenty living in and around Mercy Corners. And Ginny Hale was one such citizen.

As of late, the hermit spinster had been taking an unhealthy dislike to her neighbor, the overly crotchety and just as stubborn Old Man Mirty. This week’s dispute between the neighbors was ended fairly smooth but not before Ginny got get her daddy’s shotgun down from the mantle.

‘Note to self. Take said shotgun or at least all her shells next visit…’

“Yeah, well it looks like it won’t be the last time we go visiting up there on account of our guests.”

The Sheriff quietly nodded his head. If Ginny was paranoid of her neighbors cows she was sure as hell not gonna like a pack of scientist poking around the back half of her property. And it was certain that it would not be just Ginny who wasn’t going to take well to the laptop and bespeckled outsiders. Mercy Corners was a small town after all, and if your lineage couldn’t be traced there or your business known by most, you were a outsider no matter who or how long you stayed. Even the jovial Deputy McClane still had a time of it, born and raised two counties over, and he was part of the town’s law enforcement.

“Anyway,Mayor told me to find you. Said he wanted you up front before the meeting started so you can meet and greet that Vulcan-oligist” Wyatt didn’t correct his deputy. “and the pretty doctor they brought. Why they even brought their own medical doctor, but Percy in dispatch said it’s because she grew up here and they wanted a local face to calm the natives. Name of Mary…”

“Givens?” Back turned from his deputy, Wyatt began a not to subtle search of the crowd. Deputy McClane immediately noticed his bosses shoulders tense and filed the reaction along with the name away for safe keeping.

“No.” Billy’s eyes were now trained on his bosses ever telling Atlas shoulders. “Said it was Wilcox. Ms. Sissy Johansson’s niece…” he watched the Sheriff’s shoulder dip. “I guess ya already met then?”

Wyatt stepped away from the rail in front of the Hall, not answering his deputy. Before Billy could blink, the Sherriff had mixed into the crowd and disappeared into the hall. The deputy smiled. Maybe he didn’t know the Sheriff better than most, but he knew men like him. It was what they didn’t say that spoke the loudest.


  1. Hi there! Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    You've got a great start here! :D

  2. Not a problem, I like it there. thanks for being a visitor of mine. And I am just glad to have a start to my fledgling story. A prologue I put out a few WIP Wednesdays past, a skeleton of and a few scenes of story and this start to Chap 1.

    Again, thanks!

  3. Nicole this was really well done. I'm definitely intrigued to dive deeper in to find out what's really going on! You have great names, and the scene is very well set up, I can imagine myself standing right next to the sheriff as he speaks! Great dialogue which I'm jealous of since it's something I'm currently struggling with!!!

    Overall very good and I'd love to move to Chapter 2! One of my favorite lines was how you described the outsiders - wasn’t going to take well to the laptop and bespeckled outsiders - that was too cute!

  4. *blushing* Thank you for giving my bit-o-wip a read. Dialogue and people behavior is kinda my strong point, so is small towns and paranormal made to feel 'normal'.

    I worked in the Mental Health field for a decade and have had some dilly conversations and have counted on my reading of reactions, especially when the actions don't always match what the person is saying.

    As for your dialogue wrangling, whats the struggling point? If it's fitting it in a scene just start with writing what the persons are saying to one another like....

    Joe:Blah Blah!
    Ted:Blah Blah Blaaaaah!

    And then just fill in the actions after you have it all out. Or vice versa. If not the problem disregard my ramblings.

    Again, thank you for taking a interest in my fledgling WIP. I wish you the best with your dialogue and if you ever need another opinion feel free.

  5. I like this beginning. There is a rich feel for your character, and I love that opening line about the train coming. Lots of foreshadowing.

    I wrote an historical fiction that is really an historical romance. I didn't mean it to be, but it is!

  6. I read a article once that said to leave the genre placement till later for some stories. Let the story place it's self? I guess this one did just that.

    And thank you for reading. I have been feeling for my MC lately. Empathizing with him, picking out songs for him, the usual walking in his shoes thing. I even had him in a dream, along with a few of his friends from Mercy Corners. I am glad he is coming out. And the foreshadowing. ;-D



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